Hope has been the annoying little sister who never quite gets the hint that I don’t want around. I’ve tried to get rid of her, ignore her, toss her aside, but it only makes me grumpy. And she just keeps coming back anyway.
I’ve written many a blog post about how much of a dreamer I am, but something happened this summer where God didn’t come through like I had expected and since then I’ve been hesitant…or rather adamant to not hope. What’s the point if I’m just going to get hurt in the end when the thing doesn’t happen?
So I pushed hope away, and with the start of the new year, my new word for the year, and those few moments where I let my guard down just enough, hope slipped back in.
This struggle with hope isn’t something new. Several years ago I reached a point where I was sick of waiting on the Lord. I lost reason to hope. The promise took too long to come and the waiting got hard, and I was ready to give up. I turned to God and shook an angry fist as God, “Take back the promise. It’s too impossible, too hard, and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.” And then I read Isaiah 40:31…”Those who hope in the Lord renew their strength.”
I had to take a deep breath then and now to let those words settle in; because I’ve been feeling more drained, less strengthened.
Graciously, the Lord gave me a perspective shift. Yes, there are promises He asks me to believe and keep my eyes open so I can see them come about; but my hope doesn’t lie in the events coming about. My hope needs to lie in God’s ability to keep His promise and fulfill His word.
Yes…even for that impossible thing.
Last weekend I saw Disney’s Moana. The movie has a strong message of following your calling, and one song in particular tugged at my heart. It’s been my anthem for the last week as I’ve played it over and over, hoping to engrave it on my heart and to figure out why exactly my heart responded the way it did. The young heroine sings about a calling on her heart she doesn’t understand, one she could ignore and find satisfaction doing what her family wants her to do…but she can’t ignore that inner voice.
To me it’s a song of hope; that there is something bigger out there than we know, that there’s a reason our hearts keep getting tugged back to the water. There’s a purpose there in the calling.
Right now, I’m called to hope and dream the way God’s created me. There will probably be more points along the way where I want to give up and throw in the towel; but I pray the Lord reminds me of the calling, reminds me of His faithfulness, and gives me the strength to hold on and keep going.
Because that’s what hope does. When we grab hold of hope, it whispers strength. It says, “Hang in there. God will come through. He is who he says he is, and He will do what he said he will do. Just hang in there.”
Live in His love!
Related: The One About Hope