This week we are taking a break from our Genesis study to talk about a word that’s been sitting on my heart.
For a long time I’ve referred to myself as a dreamer. And for me, being a dreamer is synonymous to hoping and faith-ing. Being a dreamer means believing God for the seemingly impossible.
Throughout my life I’ve latched on to this kind of hope, whatever it happened to be at the time (that our family would get the money to take that trip, that I would get that job, that this person would be free to hang out) and I wouldn’t let go.
I was stubborn. Even when people tried to knock some reality into me, I held on to hope because I knew God could do it if He wanted to.
I had that kind of crazy hope leading into my trip to St. Louis this summer. I was hoping and believing that God would meet me in a special way. I was expecting Him to do something big.
As the days ticked by leading up to the trip, I hoped. I awoke and fell asleep each day in the hotel, hoping God would do something. And truthfully, I’m pretty upset that He didn’t. Nothing big anyway–at least not that I can see right now. I know God was there, that He was with me, but it wasn’t what I expected or wanted. And the whole time He kept whispering hope to me.
Really, God? What is there to hope for now when what I asked hasn’t happened, when you didn’t meet me like I wanted? Was it all for nothing?
On the ride home, I found myself asking what the point of the trip was. Sure, I saw some cool sites, I got to ride a rooftop Ferris wheel, and see downtown St. Louis from 630 feet up.
I’m glad I went. But really, I was looking for a bit more than that.
It made me start questioning hope
Is it really worth it to put my heart and soul into expecting something only to be disappointed when it doesn’t happen?
We’ve all been there, and Proverbs 13:12 explains that feeling of disappointment quite well :
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
I’ve been kind of heart sick.
The funny thing about me is I can’t not hope. I’m a crazy dreamer; it’s in my blood, woven into my spirit. I hope for the impossible and when it doesn’t happen, I hope again, maybe for the same thing at a later date, or something completely different.
Even now, in my frustration and hurt and disappointment, hope is sitting there like some happy-bubble telling me, “God may not have done it this time, but He can do it and He will do it. Just wait. Just have faith. Just hope.“
It’s honestly kind of annoying because I want to be upset a little longer.
Hoping even when you’re disappointed
Hope’s very definition is believing in what isn’t yet seen (Romans 8:25). It is a confident expectation that something will happen that has been promised to us–that God will keep His word.
It requires endurance.
It requires the ability to get up and brush ourselves off after reality knocks us down.
And more importantly, it requires knowledge and faith in the Source of that hope.
I keep this crazy hope because I’m hoping in Someone, not something.
I keep this crazy hope because I know that God is more than capable, and if He doesn’t do it now, He might do it later.
I can believe what He says.
And if He’s telling me to have hope even now when the trip is over and I’m back home gearing up for the next thing, I want to believe Him.
I want to believe that somewhere down the road there is a promise waiting to be fulfilled, a word about to take on flesh.
Because if I can’t have hope, if I can’t trust the One who made me and loves me and saved me, this life is looking pretty grim.
What are you hoping for?
Hold onto that hope because it will not disappoint. Our hope in things will fail us, but our hope in Christ gives us life.
Hope for things and hope for events and circumstances; but let your true hope be found in Jesus.
He is our reason to hope.
Live in His love!
Related: Learning to Hope Again