I’m not very good at shhh-ing. And this week I feel like I’ve failed at this whole idea of resetting.
After an awful week last week, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to refocus, reset my mind on things that are good and true and be more settled in the here and now. So I’ve been taking extra time, doing some Bible study, trying to rest. But every other day is a challenge. I’ve had a couple of really good days where God is close and praise is flowing from my lips and I’m happy and not stuck in my brain. That’s the place where I feel like I have it all together and my eyes are fixed on Jesus and I’m not worried about anything because I know that God is faithful.
That’s the place I wish were a realistic place to live.
Unfortunately in this world we have troubles and expectations go unmet and brains can’t seem to stay focused and hearts can’t get off the anxiety train moving full steam ahead. Hope of promises fulfilled dangle just out of reach, driving me crazy and making the waiting harder, and trying harder to maintain control only sends me spinning more.
The only thing that has helped me calm down are those moments when I come, sometimes with tears, and admit that I can’t do this. I can’t stay focused. I can’t handle these emotions and thoughts and situations perfectly. I just can’t…And in those moments God speaks.
“Shhhh. I love you.”
He says it like it’s the only thing that matters.
“I am here, a mighty one who saves. I rejoice over you with gladness, I quiet you by my love, I exult over you with loud singing.”
When will I stop performing? When will I finally figure out that it’s not a bad thing to honestly admit where I am? When will I stop trying to move ahead to a time when I have it all together? When will I simply shhh and let God be enough?
These emotions I’m feeling aren’t bad. I may not understand them and I may not know what to do with them, but I’m not going to be condemned for them. This struggle I’m having with waiting is normal. I’m human and I want what I want now, and God’s asking me to wait a little longer.
Maybe part of this resetting isn’t about me “getting it right” but about God reminding me once again of His grace and love. He has been good and when I let go of my unmet expectations and my timing for when things should happen, I can see the truth–the blessings are endless! And He loves me.
And He loves you.
Despite what you do or how you handle life, He loves you. Plain and simple.
You’re not perfect, and odds are you will rarely, if ever, handle things as perfectly as you want to. But that’s okay.
You loved and nothing can separate you from that love.
Lord, you have offered your love to me freely and unconditionally. I want to receive it the same way. No more lies telling me that I’m far from you if I’m not smiling all the time or peaceful. It’s just not true. You are here. You are graciously and lovingly pursuing me even in these moments when I wish it would all just stop. Lord, teach me how to live in your love. Help me to keep being honest with what I’m thinking and feeling, rather than trying to push it away and push ahead of it all. You want me as I am. You see me through eyes of love. Let me live in your love!