It’s like a buzzing, this low grade anxiety that keeps my muscles tight and my brain spinning. My jaw tenses and sets slightly to the right, teeth clenched as the message that’s played through my brain for most of my life plays once again. You’re just not doing enough. You can do better. So I … Read more
I’ve been on this kick lately of exploring what it means to not only be a child of God, but how to live freely like one. It’s something we don’t talk about directly much. Those of us who have been in the church for a while have heard that phrase tossed around. Child of God. … Read more
I’ve been living as God’s slave instead of his child–just looking at my most recent history and habits that much is clear. I read my Bible for fear of missing some truth or direction God wants to give me. I go to church because that’s what good Christians do even when I am exhausted and what I really need is a day to just be alone and not do anything scheduled. I volunteer and fill my schedule with ministry opportunities because I feel like that’s what I’m supposed do. I’ve gone on mission trips, not because I felt called but because I thought I should.
I had a dream the other night, one I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. I was at dinner with a group of friends, and when one friend stood to get seconds, he said, “I actually think people lose when they marry in their own league.” Dream-me had turned to him with a … Read more
In many ways this has been a hard week. I’m still struggling to keep my head above water. There’s always so much to do and I’ve been exhausted. But the week has been good too. I’ve seen improvements in myself and my students. I feel like I’m starting to understand the lingo at school and … Read more
I was tied up in knots. Nothing new, but it was getting irritating. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get out of that place, why I felt like I wasn’t measuring up, why I felt like I was failing. I thought I should have better control of my thoughts, that those emotions shouldn’t be here. … Read more